WHERE THE HELL are my notifications?

If facebook is updated one more time I’m going to freak out. I signed on yesterday to do some routine stalking and opened up to “Welcome to your new, simplified home page.” Was it really that complex before? Honestly, what THE FUCK does Mark Zuckerburg do all day? I think he might actually do less than me. Maybe he just sits in front of his fucking computer and thinks, “Hmmm now what if I moved that icon over there, and what if I like made the other ones smaller but also relocated them.” Ok Mark, it needs to stop. I’m sorry. Because I’m pretty sure I “got it” before.

Yes, that’s right, I was actually able to use the old facebook which you have now deemed too confusing; but, hey, at least I’m feeling good about myself since I was able to figure it the first time around. Whatever facebook threw at me—BAM I fucking got it. “Tagged friends” is in a new place? Whatever, I’ll find it. I don’t have initial access to some guy’s profile? Not a problem, I’ll just go through someone else’s photo album.

Now, however, I’m going to see all the new shit “grouped together by the facebook logo.” I’m not much of a code reader, nor am I into symbols, and I don’t know why they need to be grouped anyway. Who signs on to facebook and is like, “WHERE THE HELL are my notifications?” Not me. And you know what, MARK, I didn’t say anything we you started to tell me who I should be friends with or who I had lost touch with because, to be honest again, I felt like your expectations were a little high. And, while I feel bad about letting you down every time I sign in, I’m not actually friends with all my “friends,” so I wish you would step back a bit.