I'm not even kidding about this trip.

People love talking about going to the museum.It's like one upping without any effort. You went to the grocery store today? Yeah, well I went to the museum. Yeah, it's true: the museum. I'm not even kidding about this trip. I just went on my own because that’s the sort of thing I care about: art.

And going to the museum with people always sounds like a great idea, like people like proposing a trip to the museum rather than actually being there: OMG we should totally check out the Bronzino at the Met. OMG YES ! I have wanted to see that for a while; I heard it’s really good. So everyone’s validated each other but then they’re fucked because you actually have to go. Then this exchange happens: What do you think? What do YOU think? And everyone reads the little plaque next to the painting, counts to fifteen so that everyone knows they are not only taking in but also appreciate the work, then makes some noise like a "mmm" or "huh", which means, yup, I know.

Then maybe, when you’re walking around, you’ll pass some fucks sketching in their notebooks pretending they go to arts school and, you know what, maybe they do, but their drawings suck. Have you realized that? I’ve never passed anyone sketching and thought, “Wow look at that. That girl, yeah the one in the patterned shirt that is layered over the other patterned shirt, she can really sketch. Look at her pencil go!” In the rare case that someone is even moderately impressive, they know they are and so they stop to “look at the painting” for an extended period of time so that you can check out their work. Then, when they do go back to drawing, they change a fucking eyelash.