You read blogs.

No, that's cool.

A lot of people are going abroad, doing peace corps, teach for america, helping poor kids in poor places (africa!? africa is the best case scenario for something like this), and they blog about it because, like, what could I possibly want to do on my saturday afternoon other than read about your awesome trip? NOTHING. Hurray!

And this is great for me because I'm living at home, with my parents, and I just love the blogosphere. Check out that lingo. I would say I'm not necessarily an "aspiring bloggist" but I'm thinking it could be great. Maybe I'll lie sometimes too just to shake things up. For example, yesterday I went to a school and painted it for free because I'm like that.

Aside from helping a lot of people with my strong sense of compassion, I'm not quite sure what I want to be when I grow up.

I went through a super weird period when I was obsessed with sea otters, and then I wanted to be a marine biologist. I am incredibly serious when I say, “obsessed.” It wasn’t like I thought they were super cute, I wanted to SAVE them. I was a member of “Friends of the Sea Otters.” They sent me a membership card and a khaki hat that I wore everywhere. Very cool. I wonder what that card was even for. “Excuse me miss. I don’t believe you like sea otters. Show me your fucking card.” Bam. I have one.

I mean I wouldn't mind having a job that "paid money" so I could "buy an apartment." My mother tells me I should relax because I’m twenty-two, I can do anything I want. Wouldn’t that make a killer cover letter? Dear Human Resources, Check out my age. I’m twenty-two. I can do anything.

Here is the kind of letter I actually get:

Dear Applicant,

Hey, it’s us! We know we’ve haven’t gotten back to you in—has it really been seven months? But here we are now: the company of your dreams.

It’s true we sent you an email a while back saying we weren’t interested but guess what: we are! Despite the fact that we cited “a lot of qualified and impressive candidates,” we actually just didn’t even look at half of the applications. However, after reviewing your well written, articulate, and at times astonishingly witty cover letter, we realized what a mistake we’ve made.

First, can I tell you how thoroughly impressed I am with your education? I mean, wow! Since you identified your institutions in bold face on your resume, and name-dropped them in the opening paragraph of your cover letter, I was able to pick up—almost immediately! —that you probably identify these institutions as “elite” and “respectable.” Thanks for the tip!

I also really appreciated the organization of your resume. Usually I’m distracted by the uniformity of presentation but when I saw yours I thought, “No way! This girl gets it.” Your use of bullet points, indentations, and changing fonts really grabbed my attention but was never distracting.

Now I have to be honest, I haven’t actually spoken to any of your references because I didn’t even feel like it was necessary. I understand, however, by the variety and number of people you’ve chosen, that you have developed a lot of personal relationships. Good for you!

Do you think it would be possible to come in for an informational interview? We’d love to offer you a job but we aren’t hiring now. We know you’re excited just the same.

Sincerely,

Human Resources