There's this really cute new place in the village!

Recently I wanted to see a friend I hadn't seen in awhile; I wasn't arriving in Boston until fourish so I asked if he wanted to "get a coffee." Then when I saw him he was like "What the fuck was up with the 'coffee' stuff?" He was drinking a beer.

He was right. The only really legit time to "grab a coffee" is in the morning because if I have a coffee at four I will be fucking wired for the rest of the night and will probably not sleep. The thing is "Wanna grab a vodka tonic at four" sounds pretty aggressive. Note: the "grab" verb is really important. Whatever the time of the day I wouldn't dispense with it. I've never heard someone say "Would you like to sit down and drink a coffee with me today?" It has to be transient, and also very quick.

I feel like coffee falls under this excellent new term my friends and I developed: "sobering." It's not like when something really horrific happens and it has a "sobering effect," it's like when you would absolutely hook up with someone after a couple of beers and then they ask you if you want to go out to dinner the next night. You would say, "He sobered me." (Unfortunately, he did not "have sex" with me).

Apparently, the only time dudes go to brunch is if there's either a)a quasi-sobering effect or b) a courtesy, because they aren't going to "get brunch" on their own. Guys are never like, "OMG , hey man, what are you up to? Last night was the best! Do you wanna get brunch? There's this really cute new place in the village! We should try it!"