Every five dollars counts.

Whenever I go to the supermarket I have to be careful to avoid the shampoo/soap/shit-you- don't-really-need-but-will-absolutely-think-you-do aisle, because I will absolutely buy that shit. The packaging, especially when they have graphics, is just super convincing. Does your hair look like this? No, I don't think so; but maybe it does--I don't want my hair to look like that--I want the strongest hair in the whole fucking world so I can tie it in knots and pull heavy machinery like in that ad.

So then you arrive at checkout and you have all of aisle 10 and like, maybe, some vegetables or confetti icing--OR WHATEVER--and they go, "Would you like to donate a dollar for cancer research?" It's a total trap, who the fuck is going to be like, "No, absolutely not, I cannot spare a single dollar for cancer research because I saw the new Essie nail polish earlier and I'll need it for that. It's like kind of neon but a little more elegant, you know what I mean?"

It's like when people are doing a charity excercise event and they send out an email and they're like please donate! I'm running a million miles what are you doing? Guess what. I AM running a million miles, and I want your money, and every dollar DOES NOT count--this isn't christmas where your penny buys a goat for some small child--I'd say about every five dollars counts.