Ice cold when the label turns blue

So, the other day I passed a boy whose shirt read: “I go out on school nights.” I mean what a serious baller. I’m not in school and I don’t even go out. One summer I was such a introvert that, when I went out one night, I came back to find a sign on my door that said “Congratulations Sissy! It’s 12 and you’re not home yet!” Serious high point.

Here is the truly awful thing about coming home moderately tipsy (or noticeably not sober, you might call it) I have to walk past a series of doorman AFTER I go through a spinny door. So I go round and round (maybe twice if I’m feeling up for it) then it just shoots out and releases my body in to this zone of judgment; obviously I have no say at this point how the entrance is made because that door is not fucking around.

Can we just have a quick talk about beer. Ok, you know how there is beer that tells you its cold by the color? What the fuck? Why has no one stopped and said that yet? I am literally feeling pretty good about pointing that out because, when I pick up a beer, I can usually feel if it's cold or not. I will go, because my brain tells me so, : " oh, wow this beer is cold" I am not like "oh shit let me check what color the can is." Here's a picture of one of those beers:

Can you read the label? It says " Ice cold when the label turns blue." First, lets talk about that copy. Umm WATER is BLUE not ice the label is counter intuitive. When the icy mountains are melting its cold. false. How 'bout this for a new line: Ice cold when there is literally ice coming off your bottle. Do you feel it? Do you want gloves? It's fucking freezing, right? YA! Look at the label next time, man. You're going to want to SEE if its cold because if you touch it you will get fucking frost bite.