Ask your mom if we can have a playdate on Saturday

Remember playdates? If you don’t this it probably sounds like that moment in SVU when the little kid confesses something but pretends like its totally normal. Show me on the doll. Show me on the doll. Well, playdates are not like this. Playdates are when you would go hang out at your friends house after school or go to the park. Sometimes you’d have a playdate on a weekend. SOMETIMES you’d get to have a sleepover on a school night. Then there were always the playdates that your mom set up with the mom who was her mom friend but this doesn’t not mean the girl was your friend. This was the worst. You’d find yourself at the weird girls house like “doing your homework” which really just meant trying to hang out with your letter workbook the weirdo. And I know everyone supposedly grows up and oh, poor sue because no one wanted to have playdates with her but guess what? Sue wasn’t even cool in upper school so fuck that.

I always had a problem with playdates until about 7^th grade. I just wanted to play Barbies. All day, everyday. Fucking skipper and ken too—no one was left out. I was so ashamed and embarrassed and I really should have been because, lets have a moment of honesty here, everyone else stopped playing with them in maybe third grade. I, on the other hand, had a younger sister and a thriving imagination and one trillion Barbie clothes. The picture up there is a of my friend and me when we dressed up as Barbie and Ken for halloween. We were like totally "joking" OMG we're barbie and ken, but I look super into it. I also went through a phase where I pretended that I just “collected” the collectors’ edition one (obviously, I was really clever at coming up with schemes) That was absolutely a lie. And it was probably clear to everyone else too because I didn’t keep them in the collector’s box because I had to change their clothes and shit.

A couple years ago, (like probably when I was in fucking college) my old babysitter left and a new house keeper came along. Before the new one got settled my old babysitter said, “Now listen, you may walk in on her playing Barbies. Just pretend you didn’t see and walk out.” OK. I WAS LITERALLY IN COLLEGE at this point; I think I know how to hide Barbies.