DECEIT

I was in a bar the other night with my friend and her boyfriend (tricycling is my new favorite activity) and we saw some people outside trying to get in. I could only guess that they were exactly 21 and from Delaware. I knew this because not only am I intuitive but I used to do the same thing. When I was in seventh or eighth grade (thank you, NYC childhood) we would try to get into places with our awesome IDs. It usually didn't work. We could have taken an index card and written "I so totally promise I'm 21," and it would have been better.

Whenever we went on these ventures we would tell our parents we were going to the movies. I don't know if we suggested we were catching a double header, but the movies times were completely incongruous with the time we spent out, making it the worst case scenario for lying. Not to mention the fact that we always got caught. I would come home, tell the worst lie ever, and my mom would be like, "No," then I would cave and she would say, "I hate DECEIT," which moves her vocal disappointment from a scene in the OC to Harry Potter and the Prisoners of Azkaban.

It turns out that I'm best at lying when I've been overserved. After some reckless bartender has really forced the issue, my levels of passion are exponentiated. I don't mean that I feel more physically compelled, I mean I use the word "love" like A LOT more. Why? How weird is that? I'll have no problem being like, "I'm in love with you." I need a shirt that says, "Don't get in my path or I'll open my heart."