Your son is a NONER

Recently I’ve been working in a children’s clothing store selling shit like it’s my job because it fucking is. I realized though that I can’t stop selling things now that I’ve started. When I leave work I still feel very "open" "friendly" and "helpful" for about twenty minutes. I was at a store the other day and my friend was looking for something and I was like, “How about these? They come in a lot of different colors but the khaki’s great because it goes with everything.” Like what the fuck? I feel like once you start pairing "the" with colors, you’re in trouble.

I realized that when people are looking to buy clothes for their kids they put a lot of faith in you, which is a shame because I know absolutely nothing so I have to trick them. I say things like, “you know, whatever’s comfortable.” The other day, this woman was buying a tie for her son and she was asked me which one I liked and I said, “the one with dogs” and she was like, “Yeah, well I hate dogs.”

Well I love dogs; I'm not a "cat person" because I'm not an "indoor kid." Oh, and by the way, your son just won a chess trophy; maybe you should get him to play some fucking sports. Yeah I said it. Your son is a NONER and he looks terrible in that tie anyway.