Sorry to bother you again

An old New Yorker cartoon titled "Low Self-Esteem," by Mike Twombly, shows a man writing in a notebook, "Dear Diary, sorry to bother you again." I remember thinking this was one of the funniest comics I had ever seen. Sure, I might feel bad about myself sometimes but I could still write in my diary about how my greatness was suffering at the hands of others and, on the plus side, no one could condemn my solipsism. Then I started blogging.

When blogs first started I was steadfastly opposed: Why does anyone want to read about your personal life? Twombly's comic now becomes, "Dear Readers, sorry to bother you again." And now, of course, I have to ask you to: Please read while I continue to write about myself, don't stop, and then write about myself writing about myself. One comic said blogging was like video tapping yourself masturbating in front of a mirror and then masturbating to the tape. He was probably right, or he just loves masturbating. We'll never know.

In this week's Time, Joel Stein discusses "How my self-obsessed writing changed journalism." He argues that while initially his first person narrative style was rejected, now, "all bloggers write in first person, spending hours each day chronicling their anger at their kids for taking away their free time. Every Facebook update and tweet is sophomoric, solipsistic, snarky and other words I've learned by Googling myself." WE DO NOT. We do.

Every time I blog, I write about myself, I mention how fucking annoying everyone else is, I use curse words, I inundate the internet with sarcasm. I've been told that I write exactly as I speak. This is true--except that I write how I speak to my friends; not my grandparents, not all of the people that can't stop hiring me for a well paid job. You jump right to casual conversation. I'll speak with someone I don't know very well and I'll mention my mother, or my dogs, or something else incredibly interesting, and they'll go, "Oh, I feel like I know exactly who you're talking about." Or I'll tell a story and realize I've already blogged about, and I start to worry whether or not I have anything to contribute outside of "Living with my parents is cool."

I think blogging is both self-indulgent and self-effacing. Yes, you're writing "Me, me, me" but, at the same time, you aren't necessarily watching yourself do it. I started writing my blog the morning after my mother and I got in a fight. I was upset about not getting a job (again) and frustrated that I was living at home as all my other friends moved out and had real "grown up lives." As I sat there feeling sorry for myself, she said, "Why don't you just write about it." So my blog started out of a desperation and out of a desire for structure and commitment. When you write a blog, and when you convince yourself people just might be reading, you are creating unacknowledged accountability.

In some ways, you give all of yourself out to people you may not know. You break down every wall and "get intimate" pretty quickly. I might not blog about my riveting and multifarious love life (probably bc I don't have one...), but I do share a lot about my family, my devastating job search, and other things I might not use to pick up guys. I like knowing that I need to blog on Mondays or find a music video on Fridays. I feel dedicated to something, since I can't be dedicated to getting to work early. Another blog once denigrated my blog (BLOG WARS: the wars with the least consequence in the world), saying I was just trying to get a TV show or a book deal, and that this was a sorry attempt to function in the real world. Actually, for me (me!me!me!), I blog because I love writing and, since there hasn't been an occupational opportunity, this is what I do.

I think blogging provides structure for writers who might otherwise stop. A lot of times, it's a self-indulgent, self-promotional activity. I'll be the first to admit that I try to be funny in my posts, they're not an attempt at in depth political or social analysis. They're just me. Blogging makes you vulnerable, critical, and moronic all at once.

Anyway, I just wanted to provide my take (or defense?) of blogs. If you've made it all the way down to this last line I'm impressed. I probably would have stopped reading once I realized this was going to be pretty long. So, dear readers, I am SO UNBELIEVABLY SORRY to bother you again. Get ready to groove on Friday.