I look very grim. It's because I'm method acting.

So today I paid homage to democracy—I served my civic duty to the utmost. Before I headed over to the court I was pretty excited because I heard that you got paid for serving. I thought, “Holy fuck, am I actually going to make some money?” I am not. On the back of the little slip that we in the courthouse call a “ballot” you have to list employment and, tragically, that is not something I can attest to or, in fact, even supply any sort of information about whatsoever. So, while you are sitting in the juror room scribbling away self-deprecating facts that are not jokes, surrounded by all the attractive people in NYC, this video comes on.

This video is not just any video; it is the fucking HISTORY of jury duty. You will not merely learn about jury duty but they will take you all the way back to The Beginning, because this is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL information to know. I was expecting some like cursive stuff on the screen or whatever--but no! These fucking rogues in colonial costumes come out of the woods and into a “clearing” and they are charging someone with a crime and deciding if he’s guilty or not by throwing him in the water. The acting is super intense too, people are crying, showing disappointment, reservation, anger, some serious subtlety of expression. Can you imagine if your job was to act out old jurors in a jury video....

No, I’m not really in many films but have you ever done jury duty? Yeah, in New York. Did you watch that video? Yeah! That’s fucking me. No, I don’t get thrown in the water; my friend, she had the better resume, she got that part. But that part, right before the whole drowning bit, that’s me, standing right there. Yeah, in the blue. I look very grim. It’s because I’m method acting; I’m drawing on my past emotions and channeling them to display the feelings of an ancient juror and I’m sure I would feel grim and I wanted to express that on my face.

And what about the people who do reenactments on like the fucking evening news or E True Hollywood Story. Like when they’re telling the story of how some girl got kidnapped and murdered and you are watching it happen on your TV screen, which is pretty crazy because why the fuck didn’t someone stop filming and help out. But THEN these really helpful words come on the screen—“Reenactment”—and that just clears everything up. What if your job was to play the murderer; what if that became you specialty. What if you had a job..What would that feel like.