Things my mother told me that are probably lies

You didn’t want to keep your middle school artwork.

No, I have no idea where all your beanie babies went.

Santa gave me this note; it says he’s sorry, but he’s out of Barbies.

If you walk two more blocks then we can take a taxi.

Just ignore your sister; she’ll stop.

It’s not fun to dress like everyone else.

No, no one thinks that.

Getting drunk isn’t “cool,” nor is it “fun.”