Dynamic Dining

When I got out to a restaurant, I am not going out to meet the other people there; I do not want to "network" with the other diners. Tragically it doesn't matter what you want.

You are especially susceptible to new friends if your table is seated close to them. You'll be hanging out, minding your own business, eating something incredibly healthy like a bacon-cheeseburger and someone will go, "Oh my gosh is that the cheeseburger?" No, it's a fucking waffle - YES it is the cheeseburger, I'm here to provide answers to all of your questions about the menu; let's keep talking.

This is a cheeseburger.

The real problem, however, is that this is just a leading question, a hook to reel you in and get your fantastic conversation in gear. And then it will never stop because then, even if there is a break, you can still kind of over hear each others conversations. All that has to happen is for you to have one more thing in common and then BOOM: "I heard you guys mention the state of New Jersey, we've also been to New Jersey."

Once I was having brunch on a Sunday morning that was more of an extension of the night before, and my roommate (NOT MY PARENTS, A REAL PERSON MY AGE!) and I sat down really close to this couple and I couldn't help it, I just had to talk to them - but then I couldn't get out of it, until their delicious appetizers came and I said, "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if I ate that."